Weird Al Yankovic ☆ Word Crimes

[Intro:]
Everybody shut up, WOO
Everyone listen up
Hey, hey, hey, uh
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey

[Verse 1:]
If you cant write in the proper way
If you dont know how to conjugate
Maybe you flunked that class
And maybe now you find
That people mock you online

[Bridge:]
Okay, now heres the deal
Ill try to educate ya
Gonna familiarize
You with the nomenclature
Youll learn the definitions
Of nouns and prepositions
Literacys your mission
And thats why I think its a

[Chorus:]
Good time
To learn some grammar
Now, did I stammer
Work on that grammar
You should know when
Its less or its fewer
Like people who were
Never raised in a sewer

I hate these word crimes
Like I could care less
That means you do care
At least a little
Dont be a moron
Youd better slow down
And use the right pronoun
Show the world youre no clown
Everybody wise up

[Verse 2:]
Say you got an I,T
Followed by apostrophe, s
Now what does that mean?
You would not use its in this case
As a possessive
Its a contraction
Whats a contraction?
Well, its the shortening of a word, or a group of words
By the omission of a sound or letter

[Bridge:]
Okay, now heres some notes
Syntax youre always mangling
No x in espresso
Your participles danglin
But I dont want your drama
If you really wanna
Leave out that Oxford comma
Just keep in mind

[Chorus:]
That be, see, are, you
Are words, not letters
Get it together
Use your spellchecker
You should never
Write words using numbers
Unless youre seven
Or your name is Prince

I hate these word crimes
You really need a
Full time proofreader
You dumb mouth-breather
Well, you should hire
Some cunning linguist
To help you distinguish
What is proper English

[Verse 3:]
One thing I ask of you
Time to learn your homophones is past due
Learn to diagram a sentence too
Always say to whom
Dont ever say to who
And listen up when I tell you this
I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis
You finished second grade
I hope you can tell
If youre doing good or doing well
About better figure out the difference
Irony is not coincidence
And I thought that youd gotten it through your skull
Whats figurative and whats literal
Oh but, just now, you said
You literally couldnt get out of bed
That really makes me want to literally
Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head

[Chorus:]
I read your e-mail
Its quite apparent
Your grammars errant
Youre incoherent
Saw your blog post
Its really fantastic
That was sarcastic (Oh, psych)
Cause you write like a spastic

I hate these Word Crimes
Your prose is dopey
Think you should only
Write in emoji
Oh, youre a lost cause
Go back to pre-school
Get out of the gene pool
Try your best to not drool

[Outro:]
Never mind I give up
Really now I give up
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Go Away