☆ c-2

Host:
Lets meet contestant number 1, he’s a schizophrenic serial killer clown who says; ‘women love his sexy smile’. Let’s find out if his charm will work on Sharon. Sharon, what’s your question?

Sharon:
Contestant #1, I believe first impressions last forever. So lets
say you were to come over to my parent’s house and have dinner with me and my family, tell me what you’d do to make that first impression really stick.

Contestant #1:
Lets see..hm.. well, I’d have to think about it.
I might show up in a tux HA but I doubt it.
I’d probably just show up naked like I always do,
and look your mama in the eye and tell her fuck you!
Hurry up bitch I’m hungry, I smell spaghetti,
I’d pinch her limpy ass and tell her ‘get the food ready!’
Your dad would probably start trippin’ and get me pissed,
I’d have to walk up and BUST him in his fuckin’ LIPS.
It’s dinner time, we’re hearin’ grace from your mother
I’d pull a 40 out and pour some for your little brother.
I’m steady starin’ at your sister, I’ll tell you this,
you know for only 13 she got some big tits!
After that, your dad would try to jump again,
and only this time I’d put the 40 to his chin.
After your mom does the dishes and the silverware,
I’d dry fuck her till I nut in my underwear.

(applause and laughter)

Host:
Now lets meet Contestant number two. He’s a psychopathic deranged crackhead freak who works for the dark carnival. He says women call him stretch nuts. Sharon let’s hear your question.

Sharon:
I like a man who’s not afraid to show his true emotions, a man who
expresses himself in his own special way. Number two, if you fell in love with me, exactly how would you let me know?

Contestant #2:
First thing, I could never love you.
You sound like ritchy bitch yo’ Fuck You!
but if I did, I’d probably show you that I care
by takin’ all these other motherfuckers outta here.
I’d go through your phone book and whack ’em all,
and find Contestant number one and break his fuckin’ jaw (what!?).
Anyone who looked at you, would have to pay.
I’d be blowin’ fuckin’ nuggets off all day.
I’d grab your titties, and stretch ’em down past your waist,
let ’em go and watch ’em both spring up in your face.
I’d sing love songs to ya the best I can,
get ya naked and hit it like a CAVE MAN!
Then we go to the beach and walk through the sand
I throw a little in your face and say I’m just playin’.
as you spit it all out I rub your back
and grab your underwear and wedge it up your ass crack!

(applause and laughter)

Host:
Well it sounds like Contestant number two is just overflowing with
sensitivity Sharon. It’s a tough choice so far. Sharon lets have your last
question and see which one is gonna win the rights to your Neden.

Sharon:
OK, if we were at a dance club and you both noticed me at the same
time, tell me, how would you each get my attention and what would your pick up line be? Remember, who ever’s the smoothest wins!!

C#1:
OK, first, I’d slide up to the bar
and tell you that I can’t believe how fucking fat you are.
I’d tell you that I like the way you make your titties shake
and if you lost a little weight you’d look like Rikki Lake!

C#2:
Fuck That! You’d be jackin’ me quick.
I’d order you a drink and stir it with my dick,
and then to get your attention in the crowded place,
I’d simply walk up and stick my nuts in your face.

C#1:
Yeah freak her with your nuts yeah that’ll get her!

C#2:
Tell her that she’s fat, YEAH that’ll work even better!

C#1:
Look, FUCK YOU, I got a strong rap shit,
you don’t want Contestant number two, he’s mad whack.
I walked into a barn and there he was, standing up on a bucket
*Laughs* tryin’ to fuck it,
it was a big, fucking, smelly ass farm LLAMA

C#2:
DAMN dawg! How you gonna dis your mama?!?!?!
Thanks to Samantha for submitting The Dating Game Lyrics.