Michelle Pfeiffer ☆ (The Legend Of) Miss Baltimore Crabs

TRACY

Well, I brought my own 45s, so if you put em on, Ill show you my stuff!

LOU ANN

Havent you already shown us enough

{The Council Girls snicker.–)

VELMA

Oh my god

How times have changed

This girls either blind

Or completely deranged

Ah, but time seemed to halt

When i was Miss Baltimore Crabs

Childhood dreams

For me were cracked

When that damn shirley temple

Stole my frickin act

But the crowns in the vault

From when i won Miss Baltimore Crabs

Those poor runner-ups

Might still hold some grudges

They padded their cups

But i screwed the judges

Those broads thought theyd win

If a plate they would spin in their dance

Not a chance!

Cause i hit the stage

Batons ablaze

While belting high cs

And preparing souffles!

But that triple somersault

Was how i clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs!

VELMA

Proceed…

TAMMY

Are you scared were on live

TRACY

No, Im sure i can cope!

AMBER

Well, this show isnt broadcast

in…

COUNCIL GIRLS

…Cinemascope!

VELMA

I never drank one chocolate malt

No, no desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs

SHELLEY

How many sweaters do you own

TRACY

Well, Im sure Ive got plenty

Lets see, I have three…five

…

Wait, I have twenty!!

VELMA

I would say oy gevalt

If i wasnt Miss Baltimore Crabs!

A tycoon i wed

So cuddly and funny

The old fart dropped dead

But left tons of money

So i bought this station

VELMA And COUNCIL GIRLS

So all of the nation

Could see

VELMA

Baby amber and me!

AMBER

Do you dance like you dress

LINK

Amber, theres no need to be cruel!

VELMA

Would you swim in an integrated pool

LIL INEZ

Hello Maam, may I please

audition

VELMA

No, but you can bow and exalt!

Cause i was Miss Baltimore…

VELMA And THE COUNCIL MEMBERS

…Crabs!

Crabs, Crabs!!!