☆ The Happy Troll

I hate the Skydome and the CN Tower too
I hate Nathan Phillips Square and the Ontario Zoo
The rents too high, the air’s unclean
The beaches are dirty and the people are mean
And the women are big and the men are dumb
And the children are loopy ’cause they live in a slum
The water is polluted and the mayor’s a dork
They dress real bad and they think they’re New York
In Toronto, Ontario

"You know, actually I think I hate all of Ontario"

I hate Thunder Bay and Ottawa
Kitchener, Windsor, and Oshawa
London sucks and the Great Lakes suck
And Sarnia sucks and Turkey Point Sucks

I took a trip to Ontario to visit Brian Mulrooney
He beat me up and he stole my pants and he put me in a tree
I went to see the Maple Leafs and got hit in the head with a puck

"I don’t even know how they did it, I was playing the organ at the time!"

Ontario Sucks

"Yup, actually, now that I really think about it, I think I pretty much hate every gosh darn province and territory in our country! Except Alberta. Oh yeah I love Alberta, yeah it’s really nice, lots of cows, trees, rocks, dirt. Moo moo moo"

But,
I hate Newfoundland ’cause they talk so weird
And Prince Edward Island is too small
Nova Scotia’s dumb ’cause its the name of a bank
New Brunswick doesn’t have a good mall
Quebec is revolting and it makes me mad
Ontario sucks, Ontario sucks

"Manitoba’s population density is 1.9 people per square kilometer. Isn’t that stupid!?"

Saskatchewan is boring and the people are old
And as for the territories, they’re too cold!

"And the only really good thing about the province of British Columbia is that it’s right next to us!"

‘Cause Alberta doesn’t suck
But Calgary does

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Toronto Sucks
The Arrogant Worms