TwoMe ☆ Twome

Well, I had two weeks of vacation time coming
After workin’ all year down at Big Roy’s Heating and Plumbing.
So one night, when my family and I were gathered round the dinner table, I said,
“Kids…If you could go anywhere in this great big world,
now Where’d you like to go to?”
They said, “Dad, We wanna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota.”
They picked the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota.

So the very next day we loaded up the car with potato skins and pickled weiners,
Crossword puzzles, Spiderman comics and mama’s homemade rhubarb pie,
Pulled out of the driveway, and the neighbors, they all waved goodbye
And so began our three-day journey.
We picked up a guy holdin’ a sign that said “Twine Ball or Bust,”
He smelled real bad, and he said his name was Bernie.

I put in a Slim Whitman tape
my wife put on a brand new hair net
The kids were in the back seat jumpin’ up and down
yellin’ “Are we there yet?”
And all of us were joined together in one common thought
As we rolled down the long and winding Interstate in our ’53 DeSota
We’re gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota!!
We’re headin’ for the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota!!

Oh, we couldn’t wait to get there, so we drove straight through
for three whole days and nights
(Of course, we stopped for more pickled weiners now and then).
The scenery was just so pretty,
Boy, I wish the kids could’ve seen it
But you can’t see out of the side of the car
because the windows are completely covered
with the decals from all the places where we’ve already been.

Like Elvis-a-Rama, the Tupperware Museum,
The Boll Weevil Monument, and Cranberry World,
The Shuffleboard Hall of Fame, Poodle Dog Rock,
And the Mecca of Albino Squirrels.
We’ve been to ghost towns, steam parks, wax museums,
And a place where you can drive through the middle of a tree.
Seen alligator farms and tarantula ranches,
But there’s still one thing we’ve gotta see.

Well, we crossed the state line about 6:39
And we saw the sign that said, “Twine Ball Exit – fifty miles.”
The kids were so happy, they started singing “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” for the 27th time that day.
So we pulled off the road at the last chance gas station
Got a few more pickled weiners and a diet chocolate soda,
On our way to see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota.
We’re gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota.

Finally at 7:37 early Wednesday evening, as the sun was setting in the Minnesota sky,
Out in the distance, on the horizon it appeared to me
like a vision before my unbelieving eyes.
We parked the car and walked with awe-filled reverence toward that glorious huge, majestic sphere.
I was just so overwhelmed by its sheer immensity, I had to pop myself a beer.
Yes on these hallowed grounds, open 10 to 8 on weekdays,
in a little shrine under a makeshift pagoda,
There sits the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota.
I tell you, it’s the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota.

Ohhh, what on Earth would make a man decide to do that kind of thing?
Ohhh, windin’ up twenty-one thousand, one hundred forty pounds of string!
What was he tryin’ to prove?
Who was he tryin’ to impress?
Why did he build it? How did he do it?
It’s anybody’s guess.
Where did he get the twine? What was goin’ through his mind?
Did it just seem like a good idea at the time?

Well we walked up beside it and I warned the kids,
“Now you better not touch it, those ropes are there for a reason.”
I said, “Maybe if you’re good, I’ll tie it to the back of our car, and we can take it home.”
But I was only teasin’.
Then we went to the gift shop and stood in line
bought a souvenir miniature ball of twine,
Some window decals, and anything else they’d sell us.
And I bought a couple postcards: “Greetings from the Twine Ball, wish you were here.”
Won’t the folks back home be jealous.

I gave our camera to Bernie and we stood by the ball,
And we all gathered around and said, “Cheese.”
Then Bernie ran away with my brand new Instamatic,
But at least we’ve got our memories.

So we all just stared at the ball for awhile
And my eyes got moist, but I said with a smile,
“Kids, this here’s what America’s all about.”
Then I started feelin’ kinda gooey inside,
And I fell on my knees and I cried and cried.
And that’s when those security guards threw us out.
You know, I bet if we unravelled that sucker, it’d roll all the way down to Fargo, North Dakota.
‘Cause it’s the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota.
I’m talkin’ ’bout the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota.

We stayed that night at the Twine Ball Inn
In the morning we were on our way home again
But we really didn’t wanna leave, that was perfectly clear.
I said, “Folks, I can tell you’re all sad to go”
Then I winked my eye and I said, “You know,
I got a funny kinda feeling we’ll be coming back again next year.”
‘Cause I’ve been all around this great big world and I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather go to
Than the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota.
I said the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota!!!
Minnesota!!
Minnesota!!!
Minnesota!!!!!