☆ 0813

The One Where Chandler Takes a BathThe One Where Chandler Takes a Bath

Written by: Vanessa McCarthy
Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
With Help From: Dan Gottleib

[Scene: Joey and Rachel’s, Joey is at the counter eating a bowl of Frosted
Flakes.]
Joey: (thinking) All right. It’s a new day. All that stuff about Rachel, you
don’t feel that now. It was crazy! You’re fine. You’re better than fine! You
are, as your friend Tony would say, Grrrreat! Everything’s normal! She’s just
your friend Rachel! Your friend Rachel. Your friend! Rachel.
Rachel: (coming from her room) Hi, sweetie.
Joey: (thinking) Hey, it’s your girlfriend, Rachel!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, Chandler is sitting on the couch watching TV as
Monica comes out of the bathroom.]
Monica: (airily) Hi.
Chandler: Are you, are you high?
Monica: I just had the most amazing bath.
Chandler: Really? I don’t like baths.
Monica: Wait, you like them with me.
Chandler: Honey, it’s not the bath I enjoy, it’s the wet, naked lady.
Monica: Oh, baths are so relaxing!
Chandler: Really? What do you do? You just sit in there stewing in your own
filth.
Monica: How dirty do you think I am? I’m telling you, if you had some candles
and some bubbles and some music, you would love it! It would take all of your
stress away.
Chandler: Honey, it’s 2:00 on a Wednesday and I’m watching Road Rules, how
stressed do you think I am?
Joey: (entering) Hey, Chandler, you got a minute? I-I really need to talk to
you.
Chandler: Oh! Uh, yeah! Is this a cold pizza talk or a leftover meatloaf talk?
Joey: Well, neither.
Chandler: Oh my God, what’s up?!
Joey: I don’t know. It’s-it’s just…lately, I’ve been feeling… Okay, here’s what
it is… (Pause) You know what? I feel a lot better, thanks! (Starts to leave)
Chandler: Oh no-no, no you don’t, just come back.
Joey: All right. Okay. You and Monica, friends for a long time, and sure there
are rules, but then you went to London. Oh, no, but that’s different. I mean,
there are rules there, too! You know what I mean?
Chandler: Do you?
Joey: It was different for you guys! I mean, I mean, you were both in the same
place, right?
Chandler: In London?
Joey: Yeah.
Chandler: Yes. When Monica and I were in London, we were both in London.
Joey: You know what? This is a bad idea. Forget it. Forget it, and listen, do me
a favor, this conversation was between you and me.
Chandler: If that.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Ross sits
down.]
Rachel: Hi! Oh, Ross, don’t forget, we have that doctor’s appointment tomorrow!
Ross: Right.
Phoebe: Hey, are you going to find out the sex of the baby?
Ross: No-no, we talked about it. We don’t want to know. All we care about is
that it’s happy and healthy.
Rachel: Yep! Happy and healthy! And cute!
Ross: And smart!
Rachel: Popular.
Ross: With an aptitude for science.
Phoebe: Are you two talking about the same baby? Hey! Have you started off
thinking of names yet?
Rachel: Oh yeah! I’ve come up with a bunch of ideas!
Ross: Really? Me too!
Phoebe: Me too!
Rachel: Really?!
Phoebe: Uh huh! If it’s a girl, Phoebe, and if it’s a boy, Phoebo!
Ross: Maybe. But it wouldn’t hurt to have a backup, you know? Uh, Rach-Rach,
what were you thinking? (Gives her a look)
Rachel: Okay! I was thinking if it’s a girl, how about Sandrine? It’s French.
Ross: Huh. That’s a really pretty name for-for an industrial solvent.
Rachel: Okay fine, what do you have?
Ross: Well, OK, it’s for a boy. Well, I know it’s a little out there,
but…Darwin.
Rachel: Wow, oh my God, our child will be beaten to death in the schoolyard.
Phoebe: Yeah, by Sandrine.
Ross: You’re just saying that ’cause I said no to your name!
Rachel: I’m really, really not.
Phoebe: How-how about you each get five vetoes?
Ross: All right.
Rachel: All right.
Ross: That sounds fair.
Rachel: Yeah! I don’t think you’re going to need it though. Okay, check this
out. If it’s a girl, Rain.
Ross: Veto.
Rachel: Why?
Ross: Rain? Hi. Hi